


are we all lost stars?

by starshipz



Category: Cravity (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Slice of Life, seriwoo side!, they are seniors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:34:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28649127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starshipz/pseuds/starshipz
Summary: “has anyone told you you’re nosy?” jungmo asks as he pretends wonjin did not just click something inside of him.“yep, heard that a lot.”“and you’re still…?”“using it as my strength. now stop changing the topic. i have a mission.”jungmo looks at him with wide eyes. he asks, “and that is?”wonjin flashes a grin before he replies. “to bring you back on stage, koo jungmo.”a story of two lost stars who have once shined light, soon aligning and meeting. fixing each other in the process and with every other gleam and exhaustion in between.
Relationships: Ham Wonjin/Koo Jungmo, Park Serim/Seo Woobin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54





	are we all lost stars?

**Author's Note:**

> title is from Adam Levine's Lost Stars! i suggest you to listen to it beforehand if you aren't familiar with it or maybe listen to it while reading~
> 
> please enjoy!

they say one of the desires of a man is to be acknowledged, to be known with what their strengths are. nothing is better than genuine acknowledgments from other people. it makes you think, ‘ah, they like me.” or maybe, “my hard work got paid off.” you can say the majority wants to be in the spotlight, where everyone will see their giftedness.

but it’s different with jungmo. 

he doesn’t like it when people have their attention on him. he doesn’t even like it when people talk to him. he also probably doesn’t like it when he gets complimented -  _ it makes him cringe. _

has he been this lonely before? 

not really. until now, he would still consider himself as a ‘not-lonely-but-just-don’t-like-a-lot-of-friends’ type of guy, though his friend serim would tell him it’s just a nicer way to address that himself rather than be called a loner.

jungmo knows it, though. he’d always prefer having his circle of ‘friends’ very small, with that circle being him and his only friend, and his friend’s fling - or maybe his boyfriend. who knows?

a perfect disguise, as what he’d like it to call, is what the two of his friends would tell him with what he does. jungmo hides himself behind his thick frame of eyeglasses and the also thick pair of lenses. it’s not his fault for being legally blind, though his friends had always reprimanded him for wearing contact lenses instead since he’s more than able to afford those, but no one can force someone as stingy as jungmo.

it doesn’t even end there. his hair is literally in a bowl-cut style with his natural jet black color. serim knows how good-looking jungmo is, but that’s only a thought he’ll deny to the latter as he himself would be embarrassed, and he might've said it to his fling, woobin, therefore forming an alliance in turning that loner into a more presentable person.

yet, jungmo still doesn’t like the attention so the both of them would just give up and pray to the heavens that god would guide the poor teenage boy.

jungmo walks,  _ alone, towards _ the very colorful yet dull hallways of his highschool. he’s on his way to his classroom as he has reckoned he’s an hour earlier than the time the classes would start. he likes the peace he experiences in the classroom where the noise of the quietness was the only ones he could hear. 

he sits on his desk, no, scratch that - he plops himself on his desk as he literally slams his head on the table. he’s too tired and he’s even surprised he was able to wake up early, maybe it’s because of his body clock, his body has been used to it. too much for watching mukbang asmr videos and random kitty videos at 3 am when he knows he’s going to wake up 2 hours after.

peace has finally commenced, or that was what he thought.

“jungmo! as expected you are here again!”

his mind had turned blank with only two thoughts fighting inside of his head ;  _ ‘god why did you have to give me two noisy boyfriends as my only friends?”  _ and  _ “be calm jungmo, you don’t want them gone too.” _

he lets the latter thought win, as he carefully raises his head, smiling sarcastically which he had guessed the other two sensed because of their annoying sneers, as he waves his hand.

_ ‘so much for choosing to be a damn loner, now i have to live and die together with these two lovebirds.’  _ he whispers to himself.

opposite to him are those two, serim and woobin. serim is the school’s football captain and woobin is a member of the school’s student body. two of them are also opposites of each other, though woobin knows a bit of basketball, jungmo would’ve slapped the living hell out of serim if he was smart. it’s a good thing he has the brains of a lovebird too. he denies it is real for someone to be good at both.

he sometimes does envy the both of them for not having a hard time interacting with the same species as them. not that he also wants to be like them, it’s just that he finds it difficult to be in group activities where he’s required to communicate to save his ass. it’s too much of a hassle not being able to speak. even for yourself.

it disgusts him and so he did not even hesitate in showing it on his face when he sees serim clinging onto woobin as if his life depended on him. well, it seems like it though. it would be bearable if he stopped there, but no. his friend has his signature cutesy and whiney face plastered on his face, the face jungmo had always wanted to puke for.

“aaaa, jungmo why are you so early here again?” serim says, whines.

“i could say the same to you.” he says in a monotone voice.

“you should’ve slept more~ look at your bags, it looks so deep. what will woobie and i do if you d-”

“oh shut up will you. have you always been this annoying?” jungmo says in a voice of annoyance, making serim pout. jungmo shifts his gaze to woobin whose cheeks are painted with crimson.

_ ah,  _ woobie. jungmo had always noticed that specific pet name serim calls woobin makes the latter’s eyes shake and his face red. though serim had never noticed his effect on the poor flustered boy because of his nonchalantness with it, jungmo has good eyes. thanks to his thick lenses he guesses.

a few minutes would pass and jungmo’s inner peace had come to an end as it’s almost time for their class. he hears a tap on the teacher’s table and so he sits up straight, especially when their professor has already arrived with someone beside him.

“okay class listen up, you have a new classmate. introduce yourself, student? and maybe tell about yourself a bit.”

the student nods cheerfully as he flashes his smile to everyone. 

“hello, i’m ham wonjin. i am from seoul and i recently moved here. i hope we’ll all get close soon!” he cheered as he bows afterwards. 

“alright, thank you wonjin. let’s see…” the professor scans the whole room.

“you can sit there,” he points at an empty seat, coincidentally right beside jungmo. “beside jungmo.”

wonjin looked at jungmo, their eyes matched for a second and the former smiled so dearly at him before he went and sat beside him. wonjin gives him one last smile as an acknowledgement before he proceeds to get his textbook from his bag.

jungmo wonders why he did not cringe with the series of events that had just happened. normally, if it were either of his friends, he’d straight up slap them. maybe it was the way wonjin’s smile was very different from what he had seen before. or maybe it’s just his mind playing games with him because of the lack of sleep. either way, he’d brush it off, just like how his mind would fly away because of the subject lesson he already knows from the back of his mind.

  
  
  
  
  
  


it has been a habit, more like a routine for jungmo to head immediately at the back of their school’s building after eating his lunch. an hour is too much time for him to just eat but just enough time for him to eat and take a rest. it’s just the time of the day he mostly enjoys because he can do it by himself only. other than that, he’s stuck with his two best friends in his classes and even in the dorms.

he sighs as he lies down on the bench, using his folded arm as a pillow right below the back of his head. he breathes in the warm autumn breeze before he closes his eyes after deciding to take a nap or two.

_ ‘ah, finally inner peace, once ag-’ _

“why are you here?”

ah, too much for the inner peace. his train of thoughts was cut right then and there when a voice rang inside of his ears. he tries his best not to show discomfort on his face, but god knows, and maybe the guy too who just spoke how jungmo’s  _ really  _ trying hard right now.

he doesn’t bat an eye to whoever that was but he does hear the shifting of the dead autumn leaves on the ground, probably because of that guy’s movements.

“for the sake of my inner peace.” jungmo replies, almost unbothered though it’s very contrasting to his boiling blood. he opens his eyes carefully as they adjust to the bright light seeping through the leaves hanging on the tree. he fixes his eyeglasses as he sits up straight, finally giving the owner of the voice the attention jungmo would have guessed what their intention was.




“you? why are you  _ here,  _ wonjin?” jungmo continues, putting stress on the specific word as if he owns this place.

“ah, i ate fast because i wanted to go around the campus.” he replies happily, just like how someone would react if they won the lotto.

jungmo would have found him weird if he hadn't seen this kid before. it hasn’t been a whole day since he has seen him but he has already questioned as to how someone can be this smiley and giggly and everything he is not. 

he doesn’t get it. at all.

“eating fast isn’t good.” jungmo says afterwards as he bends his head sideways, trying to stretch his neck.

“i could say the same thing to you.”

jungmo looked back at wonjin with disbelief in his eyes but wonjin still had his signature smile on his face. that kid should be thankful he’s new or else jungmo would’ve had a new record on the student disciplinary committee for choosing violence. 

it is as if wonjin has it in his system to smile regardless of the situation.

and jungmo wouldn’t do that ever.

wonjin walks towards the same bench jungmo’s sitting at as he also sits down on the other side of it. he breaks the silence as he guessed no one would do it if he won’t. “i like being alone too.”

“yeah, i do see that.” jungmo says, in an obviously sarcastic way as he sneers. that caused wonjin to have a pout on his lips.

“it’s true! i like it when i have time for myself.” he says in defense.

_ “i would feel tired too if i were to interact with literally every single person around me.’  _ his thoughts were loud, like a gong being hit by a weightlifter but today, he did not choose to be mean especially when wonjin’s just new and so he just raises his thumbs as a sign of approval of whatever the other just said.

it doesn’t end there. jungmo thought his day wouldn’t get any worse but when wonjin opened his mouth again, taking away his precious time for himself, he mentally sighs.

“what club are you in?” the innocent boy asks as he swings his legs as they barely reach the ground. jungmo finds it amusing since his feet can reach the ground easily.

“none.” 

“oh? why?” 

_ ‘sigh, why does he have a lot of questions.’ _

“i just don’t feel like joining one. i’m still the top student without it anyways.”  _ ‘- but most likely because i don’t want to talk to people.’  _ he wants to continue but he wouldn’t dare to look like a loser in front of this overly hyper and cheerful kid, as if he just consumed his lifetime dosage of vitamins.

he looked at wonjin after his smug words and his satisfaction was fed when the other laughed and showed two thumbs down as a sign of disapproval. jungmo laughs too, but he’s quick to realize it.

“hey! you laughed!” wonjin screams. jungmo doesn't see the need to be this loud.

“i did not.”

“yes you did!”

“not at all.”

“i saw what you did though?”

_ ‘calm down, jungmo. inner peace.’ _

he wished he’s back to himself 10 minutes ago where it was just him and him only. a match made in heaven, he thinks.

“have you always been this talkative?” he says, and this time, annoyance was evident in his words yet the other boy was unfazed as he still had a smile plastered on his face.

how come he doesn’t get tired of smiling. jungmo pities the poor kid’s cheekbones. they do be working harder than anyone.

“you have pretty eyes by the way.”

“suddenly?” 

“why are you always alone? do you have friends?”

_ champagne but cham is silent. _

“why are we having this conversation again?” they are both staring at each other, as if every passing second, jungmo would explode right then and there but wonjin is the complete opposite of him, still smiley and positive. 

seriously, does this kid eat pixie dust for breakfast or what?

“so you’re the top notcher here? that brain must be no joke.”

“thanks, i hear that a lot.”

“i don’t think you really talk to people that much.”

at this point, jungmo just lost his will to live.

“heard it from seo woobin, that student from our class. he showed me around earlier.” wonjin continues.

“woobin? he’s my friend.”

“oh so you do have a friend.”

“do you have a death wish?” jungmo says as he glares at the other, not even holding even an inch back. wonjin just replies with a much brighter smile as he uses his hands to form peace signs.

jungmo thinks he’s an angel at this point for still enduring this new student’s annoying ass. 

“anyways, i’m going. see you again, jungmo?” wonjin says as he stands up from his seat, almost jumping on the ground because of its high height. 

“i hope not.” the other replies with his stoic face as he lies down again on the bench. he closes his eyes and he sighs in relief when he hears the rustling of the dead leaves descending in his ears.

he wonders to himself as to why no matter how annoying that new kid was, he’s still easy to talk to. it’s probably his first time talking that freely to someone other than his friends before. maybe because he unintentionally provoked the inner devil in jungmo but whatever it is, he had decided that’s enough human interaction for the rest of the month!

but the thought of someone from the city where everything's right there decided to move to a rural place is still bothering him more than he thought it would.

  
  
  
  
  


every man has his own secret. it could be in any form, may it be about their crushes, bad grades or maybe even the darkest secrets one would never choose to tell. jungmo has one. 

every night, just after he’d eat dinner with his dorm mate slash friend, woobin and of course his  _ fling _ who seems to be like his dorm mate because of his alwaysness in the room, serim, he goes out of that place which he calls a hell hole for the disgusting clinginess he had to witness always. but that’s not entirely the reason is.

“going out again jungmo?” serim asks as his eyes are still on the television, browsing on random series and movies on netflix while woobin’s sitting beside him. jungmo nods as if a single soul in the room would even spare a glance on him.

“yeah, i’ll go now.” he replies as he slips on his white converse sneakers while fixing his lopsided brown coat. 

“be careful! bring home food!” serim demands in a loud manner, bits and pieces of chips going out of his mouth which jungmo found disgusting. as if it’s his frequent duty, jungmo pities woobin again for being stuck with someone like serim. serim insists it’s the power of love, but jungmo would just pretend to barf meanwhile woobin goes red.

jungmo shivers with the thought and so he quickly exits the room. walking through the hallways when it’s already dark and peaceful is most probably his second favorite thing to do next to lying down. he likes the ambiance it gives but the darn curfew which is 3 hours away from now just ruins everything.

he reaches his destination around 10 minutes after he exited the campus. 

_ “what clubs are you in?”  _

he remembers what wonjin asked earlier that day. that specific question that had opened a closed door of his inclosed heart. 

a certain melody runs through his ears. he breathes in as he puts both of his hands inside of the pockets of his coat. he smiles as he looks at the band performing in front of him. it’s the place where there is a busking event every night. it doesn’t limit to only band performances but there are also dancing, sometimes acting or maybe if he gets lucky, an amusing magic show which he always enjoys regardless of the obvious and cliche tricks. 

the sound of the guitar rang in his ears. he watched the guitarist with stars in the eyes of the latter.

_ he must’ve been enjoying performing. _

jungmo envies him. how would it feel like when you can freely do something you want and genuinely enjoy it?

he once was like him. he once had it.  _ he once.. _

he turns to his side while nodding his head with the familiar song. 

_ ‘now why is he..” _

a lot of thoughts came inside of his head when he saw wonjin standing a few steps away from him. it is too early to assume but jungmo finds it odd to see the boy not having his signature smile. he’s the same as him, he’s just feeling the vibe of the cool jazz song as he closes his eyes. 

he noticed there is something shining, literally on his eyelids. 

_ ‘are those glitters?’  _ of course jungmo has zero knowledge and experience in make up and everything you can possibly apply on your face but he sure does know up until a certain extent that wonjin wearing glittered eyeshadow. or is that an eyeliner? whatever it is, jungmo finds it eye-catching for some reason, especially because of the fact that he completely got lost at staring that he did not realize the song was over. he only knew it when everyone around him clapped, and when wonjin opened his eyes and finally smiled.

of course that kid wouldn’t live an hour without smiling. once they become close, jungmo reckons he’d give the boy a cheek massage.

he sneers,  _ as if. _

he looked at the performers and it was a dance team as he guessed by their flashy outfits and grand make ups. with a loud boom, the song started and everyone cheered. his eyes  _ unauthorisedly  _ moved towards the boy again. his smile was different from what jungmo had observed. this time, it wasn’t his eyelids who were only shining but his eyes too. jungmo feels a slight tang inside of him, as if he’s looking at a mirror because of the same exact eyes that portrays a feeling he knows deep down inside of him too.

he figures, the new student won’t be out here just wandering randomly, given the fact that he might not know the direction and pathways that much yet. maybe he had a reason, or a destination with an intention. 

again, whatever it is, jungmo brushes it off, keeping the thought away from his mind as he puts his attention on the performers in front.

or maybe that’s what he just thought.

  
  
  
  
  


“what’s for lunch today?” serim excitedly asks woobin while the both of them tidy up their books in preparation for their lunch break. woobin stops for a while as he takes a few seconds to remember.

“main dish is pork cutlet.” he replies as he side eyes jungmo from the other side of the room, his voice echoing until there. jungmo looks at him with sparkles in his eyes. as expected, it’s jungmo‘s all time favorite food. he’s not even that much of a foodie but he’d literally kill for pork cutlet. make him eat that for the whole week in every meal and he won’t complain. he even said at some point that he’d prefer having a lifetime supply of pork cutlet than having to be stuck with his two friends. and of course serim sulked for a few days but jungmo didn’t mind because the former would eventually give in.

serim follows woobin’s sight as he also looks at jungmo, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“best day ever, huh?” woobin asks which jungmo smiles at as he skips almost too enthusiastically towards the two. he places both of his arms on the back of both of their necks as he gives them a headlock.

“let’s go let’s go! hurry up, i don't want to eat the smallest piece left there!” he says as he pulls them both to the point that their legs are walking on their own. woobin gives serim a look which serim returned in a split second. they maintained the staring for a few seconds before woobin breaks it.

one thing he doesn’t get is how serim does the simplest things which are almost unnoticeable by others, but it makes his heart beat so fast to the point that it’s suffocating him, his face going all red and his stomach knotting. no matter what it is, he disregards it as he did not want to put any meaning into something he’s probably the only one feeling.

the walk towards the cafeteria was longer than expected, mostly because jungmo was well aware of the time because of the excitement building up in him. it’s not like he can’t buy the food himself, it’s just that he’s stingy. and he’s sick of the repetitive menu every day.

“jungmo please slow down. i know you’re excited but-”

“hey jungmo.” 

they all halted in their steps as someone stood in front of them. jungmo gulps, recognizing who that was. what was once his rare, bubbly face had turned into his usual stoic face. reading the room, serim speaks on his behalf.

“oh hey allen. what’s up?”

the dude is a nice dude. everyone knows it. he might come off as someone scary on first impressions but he’s far from that. 

“the music club’s recruiting for members. and the team is wondering if jungmo could join since he was a member before.” allen says as he looks at jungmo.

the latter froze right then and there. his arms fell off of his two friends in which woobin quickly puts his arm over jungmo’s shoulder instead.

“i’m sorry allen but i think jungmo’s decision is still firm.”

disappointment was evident in allen’s face but he chose to not meddle in much further. “ah, is that so? okay then. i’m sorry for disturbing you. enjoy your lunch!” he says as he bids goodbye to the three of them.

lunch would’ve been enjoyable if that didn’t happen. jungmo didn’t talk even after allen left and that made the other two worry. woobin removes his hold on jungmo as he looks at him.

“are you okay?” jungmo escapes from his train of thoughts, more likely a sudden halt of thoughts. he nods slowly.

“he should’ve not asked. how many times do they have to-” 

“hey.” serim’s rants got cut off by jungmo’s soft voice. it was only a word, but the two could feel the desperation and pleading in it. 

jungmo looks at them both. he continues, “i think i should pass on lunch.”

serim furrows his eyebrows, “you sure? but the menu is your favorite..” he trails off.

“it’s okay. i.. i’m going to the restroom. then i think i’ll go and take a rest. i didn’t have enough rest last night.” he doesn't give them a look as he walks away from the scene.

“do you think we should..?” serim asks woobin in panic as they both stare at the descending figure in front of them.

“i think we should just leave him alone. you know how he is. he prefers being alone. also, he deserves time to think. we should just go.” woobin replies in assurance, knowing serim is worried sick of their friend.

jungmo on the other hand is looking at himself on the mirror as he washes his hands too roughly, though he doesn’t feel it because of the numbness he’s feeling. he rubs it too much which led to him wounding one of his fingers. he quietly groans as he looks at the small wound. some of the almost fading scars on his fingers can also be seen. 

he looks back at his reflection, closing his eyes in the process as he breathes in slowly and steady. 

he thought it wouldn’t matter anymore especially when it’s been two years since. he thought it would be okay, he thought the wounds inside of him have finally closed. but just like his finger right now, there’s a new wound over his closed wounds. there’s always a new pain overpowering every single one before it.

and before he knew it, he’s back to square one. again. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“why are you here?” 

“why not?” 

jungmo almost forgot about the fiasco from literally 5 minutes ago with a single look at wonjin who’s sitting on the bench he’s always been doing by himself before. he rolls his eyes as he hesitantly takes a seat on the other side of it.

“listen, i’m here to clear my mind up so i’m really not in the mood to bicker or to hear you blabbering so if you can do me a favor to-”

he’s cut by the sound of colorful lunch boxes slammed in front of him. he tilts his head as he looks at wonjin.

“what are you doing?” jungmo asks in an annoyed tone. wonjin looks at him before face palming himself, probably because of the frustration over the obvious thing jungmo had to question.

“lunch. you need to eat, you know?” wonjin replies as he picks one of the containers, opens it and gets a pair of chopsticks as he gives it to jungmo. jungmo just stares at it and so wonjin sighs.

“eat up, let’s share this,” he says as he grabs jungmo’s hands himself, putting the pair of chopsticks in his grab. he continues, “i brought a lot and i can’t finish it all so i might as well share it with you. i doubt you ate lunch already.”

wonjin gets himself his own chopsticks too. he opens his lunch boxes, revealing pretty plated food which jungmo’s stomach rumbles at. his face grew crimson red as he looked at wonjin after the embarrassing involuntary sound his tummy made which wonjin just laughed at, stuffing his mouth with the egg omelet.

observing how it has been a few seconds but jungmo has not eaten yet, wonjin taps his chopsticks on the edge of the container, garnering the former’s attention. “the food won’t march up and go in your mouth themselves.”

“i know i just-”

“unless you want me to feed you?” wonjin teasingly says as he wriggles his eyebrows at jungmo, the latter reacting with a face of disgust which fed wonjin’s satisfaction.

now they’re both eating quietly, just like how jungmo wanted yet contrary to wonjin’s likings. the kid literally can’t live without opening his mouth for a minute.

“music club, hm?” 

jungmo pauses just before he was about to pick up one of the side dishes displayed before him. wonjin was quick to clear his throat, “i kinda heard your conversation a while ago..” he says as he innocently plays with the food in front of him with his utensils.

jungmo carefully lifts his head to match it with the other. “please don’t mention that ever again.”

“why not?” wonjin asks in pure curiosity, unable to read what’s behind jungmo’s restless expression. 

“i don’t like talking about it.”

“it doesn’t look like that, though?” wonjin questions quickly, earning a small flinch from the other. jungmo sighs as he places the chopsticks down, looking at wonjin with his blank eyes in the process.

“what are you saying? you barely know me.”

“i saw you last night.” jungmo looks at him in shock. wonjin looked back at him once he settled his chopsticks down too, a smile plastered on his face. more like a teasing smile.

he continues, “was it fun staring at me like that? was i too captivating?” he says as he flutters his eyes repeatedly.

jungmo was almost at his limit and he doesn’t know if it’s because of the delicious food stuffing him completely or wonjin’s shamelessness.

“why were you even there?” jungmo asks back.  _ bingo.  _ he smiles in victory when he sees the other being caught back in surprise.

but as expected, wonjin doesn’t back down. “i literally just went around. nothing more. my turn to ask you,” he lightly slams his hands on the bench, making the utensils form a slight sound. “how about you? i’m sure you wouldn’t go there just because you wanted to look around, right? you hate people.”

wonjin asks with a teasing smile which caught jungmo off guard.

_ god he finally found someone who’s a good match with his attitude. _

he continues, “i’ve connected the dots.”

he picks his chopsticks up as he uses one of those to point at jungmo, “i know those eyes last night. you want to go on stage too, right? you want to perform. you were once a member of the music club but there’s something that had happened and that’s why!-” he pauses midway when he realizes he’s being too enthusiastic about this.

he settles down once again before continuing, ignoring the amused boy in front of him, “that’s why you choose to only watch, am i right?”

self-support. wonjin claps at his own words, his face full of smugness and pride.

“wow, i’m so smart, right?” he praises himself.

jungmo was speechless for a moment which wonjin internally laughs at. he thought he had won over him but all that’s inside of jungmo’s head was about how he’s so annoying and also a plan for his murder.

“has anyone told you you’re nosy?” jungmo asks as he pretends wonjin did not just click something inside of him.

“yep, heard that a lot.”

“and you’re still…?”

“using it as my strength. now stop changing the topic.”

he scoots over, decreasing the gap of their faces into a length of a ruler. jungmo flinches a bit with the close proximity, but he doesn’t back out for some reasons he could not decipher. wonjin smiles at him,  _ again. _

“i have a mission.”

jungmo looks at him with wide eyes. he asks, “and that is?”

wonjin flashes a grin before he replies.

“to bring you back on stage, koo jungmo.”

  
  
  
  


_ over his dead body. _

who does he think he is? he barely knows jungmo and for the record, it has only been a few weeks since they first saw each other. he finds it annoying how wonjin knows almost everything he’s been keeping inside of him with just a single sight. is he a psychic? 

moreover, he’s mad because his glory nights of enjoying the busking performances will be ruined because of that specific person. it’s not like he even has a different choice, he just chooses to go with it.

with a disguise. 

instead of wearing his usual stylish clothes and overused trench coat, he puts on his regular denim pants with a plain white shirt tucked in. he tops it up with his black cap and a mask of the same color. just when his roommate woobin thought it’s already enough, he even wears a black hoodie over everything.

he thinks it’s perfect but serim said he looks like a hitman.

and he believes that’s false because so far, so good. it has been almost 30 minutes since he arrived there and a lot of people had already performed. he curses serim inside of his mind as he smiles in victory behind his mask. finally, inner pea-

“you’re here?”

jungmo need not to look at whoever was beside him. he already knows from the enthusiasm of the owner’s voice up until the ringing annoyance echoing inside of his mind. he closes his eyes as he breathes in to calm himself down.

“you’re not as slick as you think you are, mr. koo jungmo. anyone would recognize you even from afar.” wonjin replies as he continuously looks at the band performing before them.

jungmo removes his cap in frustration as he runs his fingers through his thick, brown locks. he looks at his side, so ready to blabber rants and naggings but he stops when he sees the other, closing his eyes. just like that night but this time, there were no glitters on his eyelids.

“you really like staring at me, huh?” wonjin spits out as he opens his eyes to meet the other’s. jungmo furrows his eyebrows in disgust.

“you’re so full of yourself. i was looking at something behind you.” jungmo excuses. as if wonjin’s teasing wasn’t enough yet, jungmo still looks at him even when the other’s eyes were already back on the performance.

_ “beautiful, just the way that you were calling my name..” _

he immediately looked away when he heard those lyrics. do the heavens hate him so much that they had set him up like this?

_ “but without you it won’t be the same.” _

he must be crazy. he’s insane. he guesses it’s because of his lack of sleep.

but if he’s really tired, why couldn’t his mind stop thinking about how beautiful wonjin’s eyes were even without the glitters?

_ “i, keep trying to forget, but you were beautiful..” _

yep, he’s insane. he’s sure of it. especially because it’s the second time he’s not paying attention to the performance in front of him.

and it’s still the same exact reason.

  
  
  
  


“slow down jungmo, no one’s going to steal your food.” woobin says as he concerningly looks at jungmo who’s eating his food in a quick pace as if his life depends on it. jungmo slowly lifts his head and met woobin’s eyes, then he slowly looks at serim, pointing him with his pouty lips. 

serim arches his eyebrow in confusion, “what?”

jungmo looks back at woobin who is now nodding as if he received the signal, “damn.. you’re right.”

serim slams his chopsticks down, earning flinches from the other two.

“god, serim what’s wrong with you?” woobin asks in an annoyed tone.

“i am not stealing no food, people. stop accusing me.” he says before he picks his chopsticks back as he plays with his food with a sulking face. woobin sighs as he looks at jungmo who seems too unbothered with everything.

“okay i’m done, i’m going out now bye.” jungmo says as he quickly picks his tray up without batting an eye on his two friends. he takes a short visit in the comfort room. he washes his hands and exits quickly too.

on his way, he halts midway as realization finally hits him. 

_ what is he being so quick for? _

he convinces himself it’s merely because he wants his alone time to be increased. yet the other side of his mind tells him otherwise. 

there wasn’t a day since everything had gone down that wonjin has not been in jungmo’s personal hideout every lunch time. during the first days, jungmo would be complaining and nagging about how he’s invading his space yet wonjin stayed firm and did not care because he’s right, jungmo doesn’t own the place.

he gives in, not minding the other boy’s presence every time before but what’s weirder is that he finds himself seeking for him as if seeing him is a food for his soul. all wonjin does is annoy him yet he prefers being with him rather than being alone.

heck, when did this even start? how come the loner himself wants to be with someone better than being alone?

he praises himself for being patient. and also for enduring the boy’s annoying ass but something deep inside of his system tells him it’s not for that reason.

yet he chooses not to dig in deeper.

there he is, sitting on the very usual side of the bench. jungmo stops on his tracks for a while as he looks at what the other is holding before he completely walks there, giving himself a seat on his usual side of the bench too.

“what is that?” jungmo asks though his eyes are still on wonjin’s. he has always found those pretty though he’d jump off a cliff if he admits it to himself.

“a guitar.” wonjin says proudly as he lifts the heavy case of the instrument, shoving it in front of the taller. the latter’s eyes grew big.

time had stopped. memories flashed right in front of his very eyes. 

“w-what do you think you’re doing?” he asks with his trembling voice which he wishes wonjin doesn’t notice. 

“play for me!” wonjin says, his remarks echoing inside of jungmo’s ears. wonjin is too enthusiastic for this  — his smile is still there, the corner of his mouth forming smile lines and his sparkly eyes which jungmo couldn’t take his eyes off of.

jungmo does not reply, though. with the silence he’s paid, wonjin brings the instrument out of its case with a pout, his eyebrows almost connected because of how much he’s furrowing them. 

“i’ll play it instead, then.” he reckons, holding the guitar in the most awkward way possible. it isn’t his fault that he does not know how to play it but he sure does know an expert’s pet peeve and so he strums the guitar, making the nastiest sound he could just so he can earn the taller’s attention. he succeeds when jungmo’s expression turned from poker to pure cringe.

wonjin smiles as he looks at jungmo, “was that right?”

“no, not at all. give me that.” 

his plan eventually worked and so he internally claims his victory.

he quickly gives it jungmo as he stares at his eyes behind those thick lenses. jungmo starts to play it and he was caught in surprise. he does have his own expectations in how good jungmo is, but hearing and seeing it himself makes it more astonishing.

especially when he started singing.

_ “Please don't see _

_ Just a boy caught up in dreams and fantasies _

_ Please see me _

_ Reaching out for someone I can't see” _

wonjin doesn’t know why he's seen a lot of performances before, maybe even better than what he’s witnessing right now yet something about jungmo singing catches his attention more than it should actually have. it doesn’t even help him how he’s singing so beautifully, as he closes his eyes.

_ “Take my hand, let's see where we wake up tomorrow _

_ Best laid plans sometimes are just a one night stand _

_ I'll be damned, Cupid's demanding back his arrow _

_ So let's get drunk on our tears” _

he opens his eyes, meeting the other’s brown orbs. 

_ “And God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young _

_ It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run _

_ Searching for meaning _

_ But are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?” _

maybe it’s because of the song, or maybe it’s because of jungmo’s sweet voice. it was silent afterwards and they are both staring at each other as if their eyes themselves are the ones speaking on behalf of their numb mouths. 

if there are two people who can relate the most to those lyrics, it’s the both of them. it’s clear in their eyes how desperate they are. how they are both trapped in something they did not want to be in. how they both are struggling to get their hands off of the chains tying them.

wonjin smiles but this time, it’s a different one. his eyes were contrary to his smile and jungmo noticed it.

“that’s it. we have a song.”

jungmo arches his eyebrow as he positions the guitar into a more comfortable spot. 

“what do you mean?”

wonjin brings his bright and usual smile with its perfect pair of bright eyes. he claps his hands together as he breathes in the fresh breeze.

“i signed you up last night for a performance.”

“you.. what?” jungmo asks as he doubts himself for hearing it wrong.

“on that busking performance. it’s on the first week of the next month so in like..” he thinks for a while before he continues, “3 weeks.”

“you can’t just do that!” the taller says, too loud but the other’s expression did not change as if he expected this to happen.

“i can and i did!” 

“you..” jungmo says as he runs his fingers through his hair, inhaling as he calms himself down. “why are you like this? why are you meddling with my life? why.. are you so nosy?” he continues as he tries to catch his breath, his mind in chaos with everything that he just heard.

he feels a grasp on his shoulder. he looks up and sees wonjin looking at him with his hand on him.

“i’m sorry to break it to you but i’m already immune to you saying that to me so why not put it into an advantage?”

is he a sadist? because jungmo’s in a complete wreck right now yet wonjin is still smiling like a fool. 

wonjin continues, “don’t worry. i’ll be here. i won’t put you up to something you’ll only carry by yourself.” he says before removing his hold from jungmo’s shoulder.

that’s when he realized he can’t win over wonjin. not now or maybe not ever.

  
  
  
  


“hey jungmo..”

_ “oh please leave me alone..”  _ he whispers in utter desperation, burying his face onto his pillow, folding both its ends so it could cover his ears. 

“hey jungmo, jungmo. hey,” woobin’s soft voice echoed inside of the room, but there was zero to no movement from the subject.

he then feels a pillow being slapped on his back. he groans as he feels the slight pain, stomping his feet on the soft mattress. “leave me alone. i want to be alone.”

“someone’s looking for you!!!” he hears serim scream his lungs out. jungmo groans once again as he finds a different pillow near from his reach, throwing it to where he assumes the impostor is. 

“tell them i don’t care, i went out of the country or something.” he says with his pleading voice, making woobin sigh. 

“alright. serim, go tell wonjin he-”

“say who now?” with the single mention of the name, jungmo shots his head up as he sits up straight quickly, his head spinning for a second. serim eyes him with his suspiciously teasing eyes.

“wonjin. he’s in front of our room now, but i guess i’ll just tell him you don’t want to go.” he says, dragging the sentence much longer than it should be. he internally laughs when jungmo’s face was unreadable, clearly hesitating onto what he wants to say.

woobin looks at the both of them alternately. he heaves a breath with their childishness. 

“go on, jungmo. he told us he’ll wait. i also don’t think he’ll leave anytime soon.”

jungmo sighs as he ruffles his own hair, fixing his messy hair as he stands up. he does not forget to grab his phone from his table. 

“i’ll be back.” he says before giving woobin an assuring look and serim a look of annoyance. he wears his shoes after putting on a hoodie over him. he hesitatingly opens the door, giving himself a one last look at the mirror by his side but a few seconds after, he sighs as he opens it finally.

he’s greeted by a smiling wonjin, wearing his oversized white hoodie, contrasting too jungmo’s black one. the clothing was practically swallowing him up with its size and jungmo couldn’t take his mind off of the thought that he’s never seen him this tiny before. wonjin raises his hand where jungmo sees a paper bag he’s grabbing.

“tonkatsu, i heard this is your favorite.”

jungmo slowly nods, registering what the smaller just said. “thanks?” 

“this is not free though.” 

of course, it’s not. jungmo hates himself for even believing for a split second wonjin had changed in a short span of time. god he’s still the same annoying kid from the first day they talked.

“what do you want?” he asks as he closes the door behind him, pocketing his hands in his jacket.

“not much really. just want you to practice in the music room and afterwards you can have it all. i’ll be there in case you escape or something.” wonjin replies nonchalantly, letting his hand fall on his side.

“no, goodbye.”

“it’s in two weeks, silly. you have no choice i can’t take the listing back. so just come with me and it’ll be easier for you.” the smaller reckons as he walks away, confident that the other will give in especially because of what he has in his hand.

jungmo eventually does follow him with a sigh. he had already long known enough that arguing with him wouldn't change anything. if jungmo is stubborn then wonjin is even steadfast.

  
  
  
  
  


_ “i’ll be there in case you escape or something _ , my ass.” 

jungmo looks at wonjin who’s sleeping soundly just by the window. he’s sitting on the floor, back resting against the wall. jungmo shakes his head in disbelief as he narrows his eyes on the scene. even if he escapes right then and there, wonjin would not notice it. it’s probably because of the stuffing meal they had just now and that’s why he’s resting so peacefully. yet here is jungmo, stuck in this room because the smaller said he should practice more.

the deafening silence doesn’t help. he’s been staring at the guitar by his side for minutes now, unable to pick it up himself. it was better when wonjin was awake since he had forced him to practice and he had no other choice but this time, he’s practically alone.

_ “how have you been? it’s been a long time, right?” _

a stream of memories rushed inside of him. he closes his eyes as he guides his own hand to get the guitar. he holds it tight, much more tightly than he intended it to be held. he doesn’t notice how his hands started playing involuntarily.

_ “son, it’s almost your birthday. tell me what you want.” _

he closes his eyes, as he strums the guitar even rougher than before, his mind wandering around the never ending maze of memories he did not want to go in. it isn’t a good melody, nor even considered as a decent one. he’s practically just strumming as if his life depends on it, his surroundings becoming radio silent as his senses couldn’t function anymore.

_ “i’m sorry. we tried our best but-” _

his last blow. one of the strings got broken after the series of blaring noises it could not handle. ironically, even though his hand was already bleeding, he did not feel anything. he just stared at it for a second, wiping the stray blood on his slacks and proceeded to strum nothingness on the poor instrument. the room was filled with noise.

what stopped him was when he felt a hold on his hand, making him drop the guitar in a split second.

“stop that..” he slowly looks at his side where wonjin was at, his eyes barely opening, still tired because of his disrupted sleep. he holds his hand softly, giving it warmth. wonjin places his hold above his thigh as he carefully puts his head on the taller’s shoulder, catching the latter off guard.

“you’re too noisy.”

jungmo did not know why but his hold felt comforting.. and warm. he carefully trails his eyes on his side, seeing the smaller sleeping soundly on his shoulder. he had always known wonjin has beautiful eyes, but seeing it up close just proved the former sentence to be more than true.

his eyes later trailed on both of their hands.

he feels funny inside for some reason he couldn’t deduce. his breathing has finally come to a state of calmness as he felt a slight brush of the other’s thumb on the back of his hand.

normally if it was either of his two friends, he’d already pushed them off the chair. this time, it’s fairly different. 

and he chose to stay just like that, at least until the other wakes up.

  
  
  


the walk to their dorms was undeniably quiet with only the sound of their feet stepping filling the corridors. luckily, their rooms are near each other and it’s just that wonjin’s is a tad bit farther than his. jungmo did not argue more when wonjin insisted he’d still take him back in his room. the smaller said it’s his responsibility since he’s the one who picked him up, with the other reason of him being afraid of serim beating his ass up if he doesn't bring jungmo back in one piece.

before they know it, they’re already in front of his dorm room.

“well, we’re here.” wonjin says bashfully, his smiling eyes meeting jungmo’s sad ones. the latter nods in response as he looks away, hiding the embarrassment away caused by what happened a few moments ago.

“here.” he places a pororo printed band aid inside of the pocket of jungmo’s hoodie, earning the taller’s look on his eyes. he smiles when jungmo couldn’t formulate a reply himself.

“i’ll go now. make sure you’ll use that for your wound, okay? good-”

“don’t tell me you’re going to say something around the lines of, ‘goodnight, dream of me’ or something because i’d rather have a nightmare than to dream of-”

“i was gonna say goodnight and don’t dream of anything.” wonjin cuts him off. jungmo is startled by his words, yet also confused. he tilts his head slightly. “don’t dream of anything and just have a good night’s sleep.  _ i think you deserve it, _ ” he continues, painting a smile on his lips.

he bids goodbye, almost too quickly for jungmo to register everything. he’s left alone on his doorstep as he feels his chest tightening. he does not notice a tear escaping his eyes, the droplet falling on the ground along with his heart falling from his chest.

he couldn’t even imagine what he’d do if it wasn’t for wonjin.

  
  
  
  


he finds it peculiar. as each and every day passes by, he finds himself yearning for a certain company he never knew he needed that much. he’s known to have always wanted to be alone, treasuring his own time by himself. that’s why he had always isolated himself from the majority.

people are the same. he had always learned not to trust anyone or anything. trust him and himself only. people come and go, and it’s just him who’s going to be left alone in the end if he puts too much trust onto a commitment that is bound to be broken.

maybe,  _ just maybe,  _ wonjin is different. how has he come this far? how come ever since he has met him, he feels restless when he’s alone? is it because of his long term loneliness? and it just happened to be wonjin who was there when jungmo didn’t think he needed someone to be with?

_ is it all a coincidence? or could it have more meaning in it? _

they’re both under the same shade, the same bench on a different day, seating on their respective sides of the bench. they’re both still, just looking at the endless nothingness in front of them, with wonjin humming a very familiar tune they both know personally.

_ since when did wonjin have such a pleasant voice? _

he couldn't help it but to stare at him. even with the given consequence of him getting teased after that, he still did.

_ “Who are we? _

_ Just a speck of dust within the galaxy? _

_ Woe is me _

_ If we're not careful turns into reality” _

contrary to jungmo’s sweet and delicate voice, wonjin’s was more at the gentler and agile side. if jungmo’s voice is the moon shining brightly during the darkest of nights, wonjin’s voice is the sun hugging the moon during a rare eclipse.

_ “But don't you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow _

_ Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer _

_ Turn the page, maybe we'll find a brand new ending _

_ Where we're dancing in our tears” _

and just like that, jungmo’s trapped again in a bubble he could not get out of. or he chooses not to.

wonjin looks back at him, a smile creeping slowly on his lips, the corners of his mouth forming into sweet curls of bliss. his cheeks were pink like a white canvas lightly splashed by an acrylic. his teeth then, carefully appears as he smiles much bigger, his eyes forming into two crescent moons, shining over the twinkling stars which were his faint freckles surrounding them.

_ since when has jungmo paid too much attention to something like this? _

“sorry, the song has been stuck inside of my mind for days now.” wonjin apologizes, as he playfully swings his legs.

“it’s okay. you’ve heard that song for a couple of times now, i, too would have it stuck in my mind if i were you.” jungmo replies as he looks away, keeping his stare at the bundle of flowers planted in front of them.

“by the way, i have been wanting to ask this.”

jungmo looks back at him as he nods, pertaining to him continuing to speak. 

“that song, _ lost stars _ , right? why did you sing that song out of all the songs existing?”

jungmo’s stare slowly falls with the question. he bites his lower lip as he hesitatingly attempts to utter an answer.

“my dad.. used to sing that to me when i was young. it’s the song i’ve grown enough to love.” he looks back at wonjin who’s nodding accordingly to his answer.

“ah, that must’ve been a good memory then?” wonjin says, looking at jungmo.

“not exactly..” jungmo’s voice trails off, almost inaudible for the other to hear.

“why is that?”

jungmo looks back at him as he shrugs his shoulders, “let’s just say that song has a lot of things carried along with it.” he looks away afterwards, wanting to finish the topic.

“whatever that is, i’m sure that song means a lot to you.” their eyes both connect at the same time with his words. he continues, “whether it be a pleasant or an unfortunate memory with it, you wouldn’t sing that on the spot if that song song means nothing for you, right?”

jungmo has lately been fond of wonjin’s words. no matter how much he tries to not put meaning into everything he says as he always has a joke along with these, these types of words have been imprinted in his system, like a code.

“right.” jungmo nods as he puts on a slight smile on his lips.

“one more thing.”

“hmm?” 

“since when have you played the guitar?”

jungmo stops for a while, thinking about an answer. “when i was around 4? it just happened, i guess? and it just grew on me after time.”

“that must feel nice.” 

“what does?”

wonjin looks down on his feet as his legs slowly stop swinging. his mouth forms into a pout as his eyebrows furrows. 

“having to pursue something you know you want without any limitations.”

“that’s really not the case for me.” jungmo says as wonjin just blankly stares at him. he could not understand what he meant by that action of uncertainty and so he just nods afterwards, following a question up. “how about you? have you not found something you want to do?”

wonjin’s legs momentarily stopped, his grip on the edge of the bench growing tighter than before. 

“i used to like dancing but it kinda went away.”

“just like that?”

he nods, “yeah. i guess it’s not really my forte.” 

jungmo looks sternly at his eyes. those eyes were the same eyes he had before wonjin stepped into the picture. those desperate eyes, wanting to break free from something. he knows.

“you’re lying.”

wonjin quickly turns his head at jungmo who’s looking at him with his genuine eyes. for a split second, he smiles afterwards, bursting into a laugh jungmo had heard a couple of times but didn’t feel familiar.

“hey! you two!” 

their attentions turn at the owner of the voice. 

“what is going on here~” even from afar, jungmo could feel serim’s annoyingness. he sees woobin slapping his arm slowly as he eyes jungmo a look of assurance.

“oh, hi!” wonjin greets in optimism as he raises his hand to make an action of a wave, the other two doing the same in response.

“what are you two doing here?” jungmo asks with a sigh which serim wriggles his eyebrows at. woobin sighs and afterwards looks at wonjin. 

“someone’s looking for you. mr. kim said it’s your mom.” 

those words were enough for wonjin to immediately stand up, earning flinches from each of the other three. he does not realize the slight shock he caused the others immediately but when he did, he attempts to put a smile back on his face again, though jungmo knows the best that it’s something forced.

“oh, i’m going now. okay. bye.” he didn't even bat anyone an eye, not even the one he’s been there with for a long moment now. the three of them looked at each other in confusion but worry was inevitably seen in jungmo’s eyes.

  
  
  


it was then time for lunch time to be over and jungmo had been sitting on his seat for five minutes now. he stared at the empty seat beside him which was soon occupied by its owner.

he couldn’t decipher what was in wonjin’s head. his face was blank, not even a hint of his usual bliss evident in his expression. it worried jungmo more than he thought it would and so he knocked on wonjin’s desk, earning the latter’s attention. as expected, wonjin flashes his smile once again and jungmo doesn’t like the fact that he has always done the same exact thing even though it’s obvious it’s not what he’s feeling inside.

“are you okay?” he asks softly, staring into the other’s deep and brown orbs. wonjin eventually nods.

“yep, everything’s okay!” wonjin replies, looking in front of them after doing so. 

_ “but i was asking if you are okay..”  _ jungmo wanted to say but he was cut when their professor had already entered their room.

there was a soft sound of an object falling from wonjin’s pocket. jungmo sees a bright colored container which he couldn’t identify what was because of the speed of the owner’s hand. it made a rustling sound as if it had pebbles inside of it. 

his mind then travelled away from the lesson they are being taught, with the only thought of what‘s behind wonjin’s unreadable expression and unusual actions filling it instead.

  
  
  
  


days would pass without them opening about what had happened that day. jungmo thought he could, especially with his undying curiosity and worry over the certain circumstances that had occurred. he couldn’t help but to worry, but with every single passing second of wonjin just pretending nothing had happened as his neverending stock of smiles was seen in his bright face, jungmo did not risk to ruin it by curiosity as he himself liked the way wonjin’s eyes twinkled.

with those days that have passed by with a blink of an eye, it was then the very night of his busking performance. he’s there, by himself, standing in front of the barely full audience because of his unusual early arrival, probably because of his nervousness. he had remembered wonjin telling him not to dress up like how he used to and so he styled his hair and dressed up with his regular denim pants paired up with a black undershirt with a black and white plaid jacket over it. he had also removed his eyeglasses for the first time, wearing contact lenses instead as the smaller had mentioned before how his eyes were pretty.

and jungmo wanted him to see it without the barrier between the both of their eyes.

yet it has been a whole hour since their promised time, and wonjin was nowhere to be found. 

the area was about to be packed with people until he saw his two friends approaching him, his face full of confusion and shock at the same time. serim bids a hi and woobin does the same thing as they both laugh at jungmo’s reaction.

“both of you.. how did you..?”

woobin was the first one to speak, “wonjin told us earlier in class today. it was difficult for me to keep it a secret from you but this fella right here,” he says as he points at serim who’s looking at him. “was very itching to scream at you everytime we encountered each other. which was, the whole school time by the way.”

a lot of words came out of woobin’s mouth yet jungmo’s mind was fixated with the fact that wonjin was the one who told them about this.

serim’s turn to speak came, “we have a lot of questions for you but those have their own time to cease. i’m just glad you’re back again on stage.” he says, giving the taller a pat on his back.

“i don’t know how wonjin has turned you back into this but whatever it is, he’s good.” woobin continues serim’s words, echoing each and every syllable inside of jungmo’s ears. 

“i guess he has a driving force that you both don’t have?” jungmo says as a tease to the both of them but he didn’t know it would backfire.

“or is it because he has that driving force that no one else in this world has but him?” serim teases back as he wriggles his eyebrow frivolously. before jungmo could utter any useless excuse that’s bound to backfire again at him, woobin speaks.

“by the way, where is he? your performance is about to start in a while, has he not contacted you?” 

jungmo shakes his head slowly, he could not hide the disappointment in his face which is understandable if we were to go in his shoes. “he hasn’t, and i don’t think he can make it in time at this point.”

“don’t worry, i’m going to take a video of you and you can show it to him when you meet.” woobin says in assurance as he waves his camera in front of jungmo. the latter smiles, half in relief and half in worry.

_ what had happened to wonjin to be absent on this specific day? _

but he knows deep inside of him that wonjin wouldn’t just playfully do it on purpose. he’s sure he has an acceptable reason behind it.

and so the performance started with his hands trembling even after a few seconds of playing the guitar and singing. he sees his two friends, smiling brightly along with the crowd who’s singing along with the familiar song.

though he wasn’t there, jungmo could see him, with the faint glitters in his eyes from the very back of his memory, his mouth forming into a smile jungmo is familiar of. he’s pretty here, and there and everywhere and jungmo couldn’t take the imagery of him out of his head.

_ “ _ [ _ God, give us the reason youth is wasted on the young _ ](https://genius.com/Adam-levine-lost-stars-lyrics#note-3457452)

[ _ It's hunting season and this lamb is on the run _ ](https://genius.com/Adam-levine-lost-stars-lyrics#note-3457452)

_ Searching for meaning, but are we all lost stars? _

_ Trying to light, light up the dark” _

  
  


_ do all lost stars strive to light the dark up? _

  
  
  


the thought of wonjin’s whereabouts wouldn't go out of his mind. it has been literally only a few hours since last night, a new day, new class is about to start but he’s still staring at the empty seat next to him. this is why he hates himself for being attached to the smaller in a short period of time. a day of separation and his whole day is bound to be the worst day. it’s no exaggeration, it’s just pure facts he couldn’t deny even himself.

lunch time has also passed and his usual acquaintance during that specific time is still nowhere to be found. he heaves a sigh, the creeping loneliness taking over him once again and with every tick of the clock’s arrow, his mind slowly goes into a state of restlessness.

not when his phone suddenly vibrates, a text message from woobin appears on his dim screen.

  
  


_ from: woobin _

_ i know i shouldn’t tell you but i also know _

_ you should be in knowledge of this. wonjin’s  _

_ mom came earlier in the faculty room when _

_ our home room teacher was talking to me.  _

_ i heard he’s in the hospital. _

jungmo’s eyes flicker, his thoughts going around his mind in a haze. there then came a follow-up text from the same contact.

  
  


_ from: woobin _

_ you can go. homeroom teacher said we have _

_ no classes for the rest of the afternoon since we _

_ have to deal with club activities instead. i can  _

_ make up excuses on your absence. _

  
  


jungmo wouldn’t know what to do if it weren’t for woobin. and just like that, he had broken one of the school rules for the first time.

  
  
  
  


he didn’t like the hospital, not even a bit. he hated the smell, the look, the ambiance and the memories it had along with it. he couldn’t even remember the last time he had been there, probably  _ that  _ was the last time he had been there. but there he is, leaning in front of the hospital’s front desk, hands clasped on a pleading gesture as he waits for an answer from the nurse.

“room B-074. ham wonjin, right?”

jungmo nods as he utters words of gratitude which were too inaudible for he has already walked on his tracks towards his destination. he stares at the room in front of him, carefully knocking at it as he opens the door, welcoming himself in the cold room.

there he sees him, sitting on the bed with his all white hospital gown, staring at the window, taking in the light which painted the half of his face in white. wonjin looks at the source of the sound of shoes stepping, his wet yet glimmering eyes meeting jungmo’s concerned ones. the latter sighs in relief when the former smiles. 

this is just one of the million reasons why jungmo likes his smile. it gives him assurance. maybe too much assurance over something not assuring, yet he thinks it’s better than nothing.

“how did you know i was here?” wonjin asks as he looks at the other who’s still standing a few meters away from him.

“i should be the one asking you. why are you here?” jungmo tried to calm himself down as he attempted to put on his usual blank face back, finding a seat just right beside wonjin.

wonjin pauses as he takes time to think. “i collapsed yesterday. it was not a big deal though, just because of fatigue. no need to worry about.”

“i didn’t say i was worried.” jungmo replies in defense.

“oh really? you’re literally wearing your school uniform and that means you just dashed here. don’t tell me you skipped class?” wonjin continuously blabbers, the other shaking his head quickly in response.

“there are no classes this afternoon. i was just bored.”

“bored. just say you’re obsessed with me and go.” the boy in white teases, earning a disgusted look from the other. they both stare at each other, both still and just the sound of nothingness circling around the room. jungmo breaks it a few seconds later.

“are you okay though?” he was almost embarrassed to ask that question but his mouth involuntarily spits it out. wonjin looked at him with a slightly shocked expression, probably because he had never heard something around those words from jungmo before. 

he nods, “of course. why can’t i be okay!” 

he smiles again as his eyes slowly form into crescent moons, his chapped lips forming the smile jungmo is familiar of.

“by the way, woobin said he took a video of your performance. can i see it?” wonjin asks in complete excitement, the other scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment. 

“ah.. you have seen me sing that song a lot of times now, i don’t see the point of watching the same thing again.” he excuses.

“yeah, no shit sherlock. give me your phone, now.”

as much as jungmo wanted the ground to swallow him right then and there when the video was playing, he still prefers staying just there, looking at the boy in front of him, eyes twinkling like the brightest stars in existence. it was soon enough when the video was over, the same 4 minutes of his admiration getting cut by wonjin’s chuckle.

“that was bad, you did better during practice.” he says as he looks at jungmo, the latter sulking as he snatches his phone from wonjin’s hands. 

“i did not force you to watch it. you know what you should have just-”

“i’m just playing with you, man. it was exceptional. you did well, as always and as expected.” 

jungmo was caught aback, those sweet words ringing inside of his ears. he looked back at wonjin and he saw the same twinkling eyes from seconds ago.

then and there he knew. 

wonjin was the stars, the moon, the sun, the sea  — he’s the earth, the whole world and everything in it.

he is his entire universe and he didn’t know how much the blackhole had pulled him in but he knew for sure that he won’t be going back anytime from there.

  
  
  
  


he couldn’t help but to be suspicious of everything, especially because even after a whole week, wonjin has not been discharged from the hospital. the smaller said it’s delayed because they keep on running tests on him with each and every passing day, it’s the same exact excuse he would tell jungmo to reassure him that he’s okay.

he couldn’t help but to worry. everyday was worth nothing to him because of the loneliness he does not want but he chooses every after lunch time. he could spend that time with his two friends if he wants to, yet he chooses to go back to the same spot he had always been, knowing the fact that the main purpose of him going there won’t greet him with a smile he’s known for.

it’s just like the past few days, him sitting on the same side of the bench, legs swinging from the edge of it as he closes his eyes. 

he feels a presence beside him and he knows it’s just like his delusions because of how he’s used to be with the other. so he remains to close his eyes, hoping he wouldn’t wake up from the daydream he’s experiencing now.

“are you just going to close your eyes there and not look at me?” a familiar voice rang in his ears. he quickly opened his eyes as he sat up straight, almost falling off from his seat because of his quick movement. 

he sees him, a smile creeping across his lips. “sorry, did my beauty catch you off guard that much?” he continues as he smiles in smug, putting on a teasing look on his face.

“you’ve been discharged?” it was as if those words of teasing that came from wonjin’s mouth just passed by his ear. wonjin breaks eye contact as he closes his eyes, breathing in the fresh wind circulating around them.

he nods, but he does not answer.

“since when?”

“last night.”

“so, why were you absent this morning?”

“overslept.” wonjin says, breaking the short intervals of their exchange of words. it took him a little while before uttering that single word.

jungmo has not removed his gaze on the smaller. “has anyone told you that you sleep a lot?” he asks, trying to brighten the mood with that joke.

“yeah, like that time in the music room where you played the guitar too loud and i had to hold your hand so you'd shut-”

“okay you can stop now.” jungmo says as he rolls his eyes, moving his gaze to the mini garden in front of them. it surprised him how wonjin still remembers that. has he been thinking about it too? for some reason he feels relief in him, even though there were no confirmations, he would like to think that he’s not the only one who still thinks about that specific night.

“wanna go somewhere?” jungmo looks back at him, eyebrows furrowed.

“where?” 

“just anywhere but here. i’m sick of this place.” wonjin says as he kicks a random pebble on the ground.

“you’ve been in this school for 2 months.”

“aww that’s cute. that means you’re already this close with me in a span of two months?” wonjin butts back and jungmo narrows his eyes at him.

“that’s-” 

“i mean same. i’d be obsessed with me too.”

“you’re so full of yourself, you do know that?” 

wonjin looked back at him and just like that, time had stopped for jungmo. 

“i saw on the announcement page that the rest of the afternoon is for club activities again. since we’re both unemployed in that field, you have to come with me.” 

jungmo snaps out of his trance, uttering words that are meant to come out of him afterwards. “it’s not like i have a choice, right?” he sighs as she stands up, looking at the other boy who’s still sitting on the bench. he brings his hand on wonjin’s reach, giving him help on standing up.

“you are correct.” wonjin says as he grabs on the taller’s hand. he succeeds in standing up and then he continues his words, “no matter how you like it or you like it the most, you are stuck with me,” he mentions, eyes on jungmo as he points on the latter’s chest, his eyes smiling with his lips.

jungmo wishes that would be the case.

  
  
  
  


“so this is your type of getaway?”

“the convenience store is nice. everything’s here.”

he’s certainly not wrong. everything’s here and jungmo can't deny it. it’s just that he finds it peculiar for wonjin to choose this place out of everywhere. it’s a good thing they stopped by their dorms and changed into their casual clothes before going here or else they would get caught skipping classes by basically everyone because of their school uniforms.

“and besides, we’re not just staying here for the whole time, dummy.” wonjin continues as he slides the ice cream refrigerator open, the cool breeze overtaking their faces. he takes a few glances before getting his go-to ice cream flavor, a classic chocolate popsicle.

“what’s yours? i’m paying by the way.”

jungmo takes a few glances too before getting a strawberry flavored ice cream and closing the refrigerator shut afterwards. “of course you are. you dragged me here.”

“yeah yeah. save us a seat, i’m gonna pay for these on the counter.” jungmo nods repeatedly, annoying the other with this. he smiles when he sees wonjin roll his eyes, marching his way to pay for their treats.

jungmo then finds a seat, just by the glass wall separating them from the outside world. a familiar song suddenly plays, the whole place being filled by a carol everyone knows.

“i just realized it’s almost christmas, huh? a month left until december.” he turns around meeting wonjin’s eyes. the latter takes a seat in front of him.

“yeah, me too. time flies too fast.”

“dramatic ass.” jungmo narrows his eyes at wonjin as he opens the package of his ice cream in a forceful manner. wonjin smiles back as he forms a peace sign with his fingers.

_ “Santa, tell me if you're really there _

_ Don't make me fall in love again if he won't be here next year” _

a few seconds would pass with just them minding their own business, with that business of eating their ice cream peacefully without anyone speaking. wonjin steals a glance on the taller and then he sees a spark of chance on asking him something he had always wanted to.

“hey, you know.. you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to or something. i just really am curious but if you think my curiosity doesn’t compare to the reason why you’ve been keeping it, then it’s totally fine. i totally under-”

“hold your horses, cowboy. just spill it.” jungmo cuts him off, chuckling afterwards by wonjin’s flabbergasted expression.

wonjin sits up straight, clearing his throat afterwards. he slightly pulls his long sleeves up to straighten his clothes up and jungmo sees a white bandage by his wrist which he soon forgets about because of what wonjin says afterwards.

“you know, you were amazing back then. why did you stop playing?” he asks, dragging each word as hesitation takes over him. he avoids eye contact when jungmo doesn’t answer. the latter just stares at him with his blank eyes.

“i’m sorry i shouldn’t-”

“remember when i told you about how i started liking lost stars?” jungmo cuts him off, the other looking back at him with his apologetic eyes. wonjin nods as he bites onto his ice cream.

“when i was a kid, my dad used to sing that to me. i guess you can say i got my voice from him?” he continues, chuckling with his sudden self confidence. “he introduced me to singing, to playing the guitar. he taught me songs and lost stars just happened to become my favorite one. he was the best dad anyone would ever ask for.. but then.”

jungmo looks away as he stares into the glass wall beside them. he clears his throat, “when i was seven, i heard both him and mom fight. she found out he has a different family.”

jungmo didn’t dare to look back at wonjin, knowing he’d be looking at him with pitying eyes. he knows it, everyone's the same. 

he continues, “and the thing that has hurt the most is we aren’t the first ones.” his breath hitches as he looks back at that day, the memory of it still vivid in his mind.

“so we had no choice. we shouldn’t be the one complaining because we were never the first ones. i hated him a lot and hated him the most when i saw my mom crying secretly away from me every night.”

jungmo then looks back at wonjin, the latter’s eyes surprising him because contrary to what he’s expected, those weren’t eyes of pity. it’s those eyes of genuinity, eyes telling him,  _ “i’m listening.” _

“it just happened. he eventually left us but he had never cut ties with us. in fact, he had never forgotten to text me everyday, asking if i had already eaten and everything. and he had never excluded the words...” he pauses for a while, heaving a sigh afterwards. “i love you.”

he smiles, trying to dust off the suffocating atmosphere surrounding them. 

“two years ago, just a day before my 16th birthday, he came to school to meet me. he asked me what i wanted for my birthday and i said i wanted him to leave me alone. i basically made a scene. i was childish. tomorrow came, and the news also came. he died in a car crash, on his way home from buying me a guitar as a present.”

he looks at his ice cream slowly melting, droplets of pink representing the tears he wouldn't handle to let go of himself. not now, not here.

“it’s funny, you know? he was a decent man and that one thing just made me hate everything in him and he just happened to hear harsh words from me just before he left.”

now he looks back at wonjin who’s now avoiding eye contact out of guilt. 

“i’m sorry.”

“don’t say that.”

“but-” 

“it’s fine, wonj. it’s not your fault. also, thanks.” jungmo says, and he realizes it’s the first time he had called him like that.

“for what?” wonjin asks innocently as he takes another bite onto his ice cream.

jungmo chuckles, “for being.. different.” 

wonjin furrows his eyebrows but he nods slowly at the same time. “you’re... welcome? in what way though?”

“just..” jungmo pauses for a while as he stares into wonjin’s galaxy-like eyes. “for not being like others.”

“you’re obsessed with me.”

“yeah yeah i’m unfazed. if that means you’re going to be by my side the whole time then sure.”

wonjin was about to bite onto his ice cream but he stopped when he heard those words, “hmm?”

“don’t leave me or i’ll sulk. i know you hate my sulking face the most.” he doesn’t know where those words came from. he didn’t even know he had it in him. he’s just glad he made his remarks less serious.

wonjin stares at him, too long without realizing it. he chuckles, a forced one, yet jungmo doesn’t notice it.

“yeah, sure. as i said earlier, you’re stuck with me.” they both laugh, finishing their ice cream before it melts.

_ “Santa, tell me if you're really there _

_ Don't make me fall in love again if he won't be here next year” _

wonjin also wishes that would be the case.

  
  


“you’re insane.”

“thanks, i get that a lot.”

wonjin almost screams when they are both greeted by the beautiful setting sun. he runs around the vast field like a kid that just got out from being isolated for a whole week. jungmo just stands there, looking at the cheerful boy, his eyes still shining brighter than ever.

wonjin then brings his phone out, blasting a song from it as he dances ever so blissfully, showcasing his moves which jungmo had never seen before. he realizes, wonjin looks the prettiest when he does it.

“you’re good at dancing.”

wonjin pauses as he quickly turns his head towards the owner of the voice, “yeah, i love dancing.”

he realizes his mistake. he sees confusion in jungmo’s eyes. his first out of many lies has been revealed.

  
  


_ “i used to like dancing but it kinda went away.” _

_ “just like that?” _

_ he nods, “yeah. i guess it’s not really my forte.”  _

  
  


he stops, just in time for the music to be done too. he looks at jungmo’s eyes and there he sees something he could not read.

“i knew it.”

“knew what?” wonjin asks as he pants for air after marching back to the taller.

“you like dancing. i am not going to ask you why you lied but..” jungmo says, staring at the smaller whose face is now painted with orange from the gleaming of the sunset. “i’m glad you have something you want.”

wonjin stared at him in awe, unable to form an answer, it was as if jungmo had mumbled words of a different language. a glint of hesitation was seen in his face, jungmo had sensed it too, but then the smaller smiles again, causing the butterflies inside of jungmo’s stomach to go wild. once again.

wonjin slowly flutters his eyelids as he pants for air. he grabs a hold of his stomach as he winces.

worry took over jungmo. “are you okay?”

wonjin nods almost unconsciously as he waves his hand in response, “yeah, everything’s okay.” and he still smiles afterwards.

_ the same exact answer just like before. _

but his words had betrayed him right then and there. he groans as he kneels on the ground, face scrunching with the pain he’s feeling. jungmo’s eyes grow large and he then levels himself to wonjin.

“no, you’re not. come here i’ll-” he got cut off when wonjin passed out just right in his arms. he tried to shake him, hoping to wake him up.

but he didn’t. and that was when his worryness had come to a full height, eyes wavering with the sudden happenings. he calls for help and luckily there were people around them. he is confused, too confused about what had just occurred.

but being concerned was up there, and he couldn’t take the image of wonjin’s pained face out of his mind.

_ do all lost stars intend to get lost? _

  
  
  
  


he never knew he’d come back to this place this soon. the hideous scent of bad memories and unwanted thoughts overtook his olfactory system. he could not stand everything about this place, the dull white walls enveloping people who are in awful desperation.

more than that, he couldn’t forget the shocked faces of the nurses a while ago when he told wonjin’s name. it was as if they knew him, or maybe something even more than that. 

yet even more than that, he couldn’t forget about wonjin’s face of grimace. as if his mind is playing with him, it keeps on playing over and over inside of his head, driving him more into the state of worry, and guilt.

he’s there, sitting on one of the chairs provided by the establishment, waiting for whatever he is not sure of what that is, but he’s more than eager to know. head in hands, he waits. he hopes. he hopes that not only is everything going to be okay, but including wonjin. 

“you must be jungmo, hmm?” a woman’s voice was heard, earning jungmo’s attention. he recognized her right away and so he stood up, giving a bow in respect. she smiles in response, and jungmo knew right then and there who wonjin got it from.

“yes, ma’am.” he answers in a polite way.

“no need to be that formal. you can call me auntie. wonjin had told me a lot about you.” she says as a response, taking a seat beside jungmo’s seat before. he then proceeds to sit beside her.

“he did?” he couldn’t help but to ask, although he already heard it loud and clear.

“yeah, a day wouldn’t pass without him mentioning your name everytime we meet. he said he had a mission with you? and he also said he already accomplished it.”

jungmo smiles, knowing what she meant by her words. “i think i know what he meant.”

“i can see that he’s happy with you. it’s been a while since he has been this happy. he’s probably right in suggesting to move here.” she says as he looks at the young lad whose face is inevitably filled with curiosity.

she continues, “he had always wanted to move here because he hated the city. he hated the disoriented feel it had. though i was eager to let him just stay in the city since the hospitals are much more convenient there, my husband and i decided it’s for the best if our son is favorable of the environment.”

her consecutive words sparked something in jungmo’s heart. he did not know what it was but he could sense the worry creeping more and more throughout him.

“he must have not told you yet, i assume.” she says as she gives jungmo a smile, a forced one to be exact. 

“i don’t understand..” 

“he’s still the same, i guess. don’t get him wrong for not telling you. he had always hated it when people looked at him in pity.”

he grew anxious, as the tensed atmosphere suffocated him even more.

“this afternoon, he was with you, right? he wasn’t actually discharged yet. maybe not even soon. you see..” she stops when she sees his hands shaking. she holds them, giving him comfort. she continues, “when he was young, he was diagnosed with colon cancer.”

it was the truth jungmo least expected. he could not digest everything. not now and maybe not even soon. his heart clenches, making it harder for him to breathe. but he feels a squeeze on his hands.

“it actually got cured before but cancer does not go away. it eventually came back after a year and it has worsened. he’s on stage 3 now and for the whole week, he’s actually preparing for chemotherapy.” she says, as she lets go of jungmo’s hands to wipe her tears.

she chuckles, “he escaped this noon to see you. maybe he had missed the outside world because we have been limiting him in doing so. we were just worried. he’s a free soul, you know? and he can’t be stopped. he must have been stubborn with you too, right?” she asks as she looks intently at jungmo, who just shakes his head slowly.

“he actually dreamt of becoming a dancer. he loved dancing even way back when he was a child. he chose to stop it when his illness worsened, he said it’s okay, that it’s for his sake but we all knew he wanted it the most in this world.”

it all made sense now. all wonjin’s lies about dancing. all his stubbornness with jungmo even when they barely knew each other. all the pushing he did just for him to be back on stage.

it all made sense how he was different from everyone. 

it’s because they’re on the same boat  — the same sky, the same lost stars.

_ how can he still remain so positive, always smiling when the pain he’s bearing is too much for him? _

“is he going to be okay?” those were the only words he could think of.

“we don’t know but can you do us a favor, kid?” she asks as if she’s pleading, her tears still falling from her eyes.

jungmo nods in response.

“make him happy. stay with him, just like what he did in his mission with you. is that okay?”

desperation was evident in her eyes and jungmo could sense that. she needed not to ask as jungmo already had a clear answer in him even before she did. 

he nods, the image of the boy smiling with his twinkling eyes and crimson painted cheeks encrypted in his mind.

_ what good is there to be lost stars anyway? _

  
  
  
  


jungmo would always reminisce about him, 6 months ago. when he was still free, had nothing much to do but to enjoy his own time by himself. when he only had two of his friends which was enough for him. when his routine was just to wake up, go to school, eat, sleep then repeat. he couldn’t help but to think about those days.

think. but he doesn’t wish to be back to who he was 6 months ago if that meant he would not have met the reason why his heart is beating.

wonjin is amazing, a life-changing person. he made him do things he didn’t know he was capable of. he brightened him up, who was once so dark and lonely just with a single sight of his bright smile. he was all he could ever ask for.

and to say his life has done a full turn in that span of months is not an exaggeration.

it has been almost 4 months since the start of wonjin’s chemotherapy. it was a tough process for jungmo to witness but moreover a tougher one for wonjin to experience. he had gone through so much pain, physically and mentally. he had lost appetite even with his favorite food. he had lost most of his energy, his fatigue almost taking over him completely.

anyone would notice how he changed especially physically.

due to the therapy, he had lost all of his hair, resulting in him wearing bonnets and caps when he goes to school. his lips became chapped and his skin had grown frail and fragile, like a wet paper wanting to break when you give it a touch.

everything has changed, they might say, but he still has the same smile even when he knows himself it won’t cure him. 

jungmo admires him for that. he’s strong and he has never shown he’s weak. he had kept his promise with wonjin’s mom though he would still do it even without making any. 

everyone would look at wonjin with pity, and he got used to it. he could not see the point of hating those stares and so he just accepted it. but jungmo is different. wonjin noticed that. 

he still looks at the smaller with the same eyes of admiration, the same eyes that had always looked at him.

besides, wonjin is still the prettiest he has ever seen.

they’re once again sitting on the bench under the blooming cherry blossom tree with the sunlight seeping through the flowers. 

“aren’t you sick of this?” wonjin blurts out of the blue, resulting jungmo to look at him with a confused face.

“what do you mean?” 

wonjin looks at him, his face is blank with little to no expressions. jungmo grew anxious as every second passed by without anyone talking.

“like me, in general. i’m skinny, bald and sickly. i’m disgusting. why are you still here?”

arrows were shot in jungmo’s heart as he looked at wonjin’s pained eyes. he could see right through him, it’s just one of the same days wonjin had thrown a tantrum. sure, he was not used to it before but he learned to be patient as wonjin needs him the most.

“i am with you because you make me happy.” he means it, he means every single word that comes out of his mouth.

“that’s not true. stop that.” wonjin rattles back.

“no, listen to me, okay?” he says as he tries to calm wonjin down. he scoots over, narrowing the space between them as he grabs wonjin’s hand to his hold. he continues, “you’re anything except.. those words that you said, okay? wonjin, look at me—”

“just stop it, okay?!” he screams as he swats his hand away from jungmo. “i’m gross. everyone knows that and it actually makes me really mad how you’re still pretending that i am still the same as i was before!” tears were on the brim of his eyes but wonjin was quick to wipe it yet jungmo sees this. 

he still has his eyes on wonjin. 

he has always been looking.

jungmo closes his eyes when he sees wonjin’s tears for the first time. he could not handle it, anything of it. it hurts him to see the one who’s always been happy and positive like this. like a wreck, all emotionally, physically and mentally. 

it doesn’t help when wonjin still chose to go to school despite him not going was recommended.

it doesn’t help it when people around him give him words of encouragement and him, still accepting all of these knowing none of these could actually heal him. 

it doesn’t help it when it’s not just physically tiring for him because of the countless check ups and therapies he had to go through, but it’s also tiring for him because of the millions of thoughts haunting him even when he’s about to go to sleep, afraid that he won’t be seeing the sun the next morning.

he’s tired. 

for god’s sake, he’s still 19. he’s still young but he’s worn out of everything that life has in store for him.

_ how can the whole world see if the sun doesn’t shine? _

he carefully holds wonjin’s hand again as he puts both of their hands against wonjin’s cheek, the latter taken aback by it.

“listen. you’re still the same funny, smart and pretty wonjin i met before, okay? and it doesn’t matter how you look or what your appearance is now because you have the biggest heart that i know.”

they stared at each other for a while and they both did not realize the close proximity of their faces. 

“you’re really obsessed with me.” wonjin says as he slowly removes their hands on his cheek, attempting to also move his hand away from jungmo’s hold yet the latter resists, holding it tighter than he was before.

“maybe i am. maybe i really am obsessed with you, ham wonjin.”

“...”

“do you wanna go to prom with me?”

wonjin’s eyes grew large as he flinched, clearly shocked by jungmo’s words. 

“w-what?” 

jungmo smiles as he slowly places his free hand over both of their hands, giving it more warmth than they had before.

“prom night is a week away and i of course want to bring the prettiest date i could think of.”

wonjin does not answer but what he does is to stare at jungmo’s brown orbs. 

“is that a yes?” jungmo asks, hopeful for a positive answer. hopeful that he’d win over him. just this time.

“yeah, sure. whatever.” 

  
  
  
  


“where’s serim?”

“football practice. also, we’re not really on good terms right now.” woobin answers as he shrugs, going through the choices of suits in a boutique.

jungmo follows him, obviously inexperienced in this type of thing. he copies him but on a different set of tuxes. “why is that?” he asks, and afterwards hearing a frustrated sigh from his acquaintance.

“he’s too.. complicated, you know?”

“yeah, i know. he’s dense.” jungmo answers as he looks at woobin who’s also looking back at him with a surprised look. he chuckles as he leans on the wall.

he continues, “let me guess, he’s all clingy and lovey-dovey with you but he actually has not realized why you're tolerating all of those though you normally hate it.” a smirk follows up when woobin nods after a few seconds, completely halting from going through the clothes.

“you knew?”

“yeah shit sherlock, everyone knows you’re head over heels for him except for him, unfortunately.” jungmo answers as he shrugs.

woobin pouts as he looks down on his feet, sadness overtaking his insides. the taller one sighs as he gives a pat on his shoulder, giving him comfort.

“i am no love expert but i’m kinda positive he’s into you too.”

“shut up. at this point, i just want to stop liking him so don’t put my hopes up.”

“ooooh so you’re hoping, hmm?” jungmo teases as he grins.

woobin narrows his eyes as he punches his shoulder lightly, the latter exaggerating in response. when woobin didn’t talk anymore, jungmo clears his throat trying to get his attention.

“so, no date for prom for you, then?” jungmo asks as he moves to a different set of suits that is still near from the one he just went through. 

“don’t need one. how about you, huh? you must’ve asked wonjin.”

“yeah i did.”

“yeah i knew you would not- you what?!” woobin exclaims and jungmo looks around them. luckily, there weren’t other people in that boutique other than them. 

“no need to be loud. and yes, i did ask him to be my date.”

“wow. who would have thought you’d be the one who gets a man first among us three?”

“excuse me. wonjin is not men!”

“wow you’re really whipped. good for you.”

jungmo rolls his eyes, looking back at the suits. his eyes were caught by a certain red colored velvet suit with a few hints of black just by the edge of it. he grabs it as he puts it in front of him.

“hey, is this okay?” 

woobin looks back at him, eyes going up and down for a few times before concluding with an answer.

“yeah, i think you’ll look good in anything.” jungmo’s eyes sparked after those words from woobin, the latter almost regretting it afterwards.

“okay, i’m getting this. i’ll just wait for you to choose yours.” he reckons, a smile slowly appearing across his mouth which was an unusual sight for woobin. he narrows his eyes on him before shaking his head slowly.

“too excited, aren’t we?”

“yep, because i have the prettiest date. i’m sure everyone’s going to be jealous. get yourself a date, woob.”

“i will kill you.”

“oh no you wouldn't. there won’t be anyone handsome among the three of us then.”

“you’re impossible.” he says in defeat, still eyes on jungmo who’s still smiling from ear to ear.

woobin chuckles to himself. he’s happy jungmo has found someone who makes him feel butterflies inside of him. he’s happy jungmo has finally found someone who can make his heart beat twice, thrice the times it usually did before.

no matter what will happen, he’s rooting for them.

no matter what will happen, he wishes the both of them happiness. with every passing time they have together, being spent to its fullest.

  
  
  
  


words are incapable of describing how much jungmo is feeling ecstatic right now, especially when he’s already prepped up, and assisting wonjin into wearing his suit. with his delicate hands, the taller slowly but surely puts the sleeves of the tuxedo right where it's supposed to cover wonjin’s arms, settling it down right after.

he smiles as he looks at wonjin, who’s looking at himself in the mirror in front of him. he smiles as he sways his body from left to right, looking at his suit from every angle he could. 

“who would have thought we coincidentally chose matching suits? look, both are velvet and red coloured though the design isn’t really similar.” he chants, which was music to jungmo’s ears. his voice sounds like honey dripping from the fresh jar of it. each word ringing in his ears, and seeing him smiling is the best thing he could ask for.

in fact, it’s the only thing he’ll ever ask for.

he nods in response to the smaller’s remarks. “i know, right? of all odds.. are you ready? should we go now?” he asks softly, his voice whispering just by wonjin’s ears.

the smaller shakes his head as he opens the drawer, revealing an unfamiliar object from jungmo. wonjin flashes a smile as he gets it, waving the object in front of jungmo, the proximity of their faces was close, too close.

“do you know what this is?” he asks as he slowly opens it. jungmo shakes his head slowly, keeping an eye on it. there he saw something shiny with a mirror just by the opposite of it.

“wasn’t i wearing this when you first saw me? back then in the busking event.” he picks up the small brush on it, rubbing it by the glittered eyeshadow and removing excess powder as he taps it by his wrist. he carefully applies it on his eyelids, each stroke perfectly like an artist painting a canvas. 

jungmo watches him intently, amused by his every movement. wonjin soon opens his eyes, fluttering it to further see it on the mirror in front of him, smiling in satisfaction afterwards. he turns his head to jungmo as he looks straight into his eyes.

“how does it look? is it okay?” he asks, hopeful of a positive answer.

_ “no, it’s not just okay. it’s pretty. it’s beautiful. you are beautiful. with or without it, you still shine. just like before, just like when i first saw you walk into the classroom, just like when i saw you on that one busking night. just like when we first exchanged words and skinship. just like before, you’re still the same. you’re still the same bright and bubbly wonjin i know and love.” _

those were the words he wanted to say. 

he nods, as he softly pats wonjin’s head. “it is. you look pretty.” wonjin flashes an even bigger smile with the compliment.

“should we go now?”

“not yet. don’t tell me you’re bringing me there wearing an ugly ass bonnet?” jungmo furrows his eyebrows, looking at him in confusion. the smaller stands up as he grabs his bag on his bed, pulling out a hazel brown colored wig. he removes his bonnet as he puts the wig on, securing it tight. he gives it a few strokes before settling down. 

“there, is this better?” he asks, eyes twinkling, an image jungmo has in the back of his mind even from months ago.

he shakes his head slowly, walking towards wonjin as he holds both of his hands. 

“with or without it, you’re still pretty. shall we go now?”

  
  
  
  


it was just like any other prom night, some are on the dance floor dancing their hearts out, some are at the side eating and drinking snacks that were prepared for them. it’s no doubt everyone has been looking forward to this night. everyone is free and are in no thoughts of their unfinished requirements and upcoming exams. it’s just really an ordinary prom night, like any other.

but jungmo believes it’s not for him.

hand in hand, they both enter the venue. some eyes were on them, some weren’t. so much to their surprise, the looks on their eyes were not like before. instead of pity and worry, their eyes were full of genuinity and hope. it was evident in their eyes that they’re happy for the both of them and it’s enough for jungmo to live by.

he sees a familiar figure standing by one of the tall tables. he waves his hand.

“hey woob!” woobin looks back at him, waving back to acknowledge his presence. they slowly approach the boy, exchanging greetings with soft voices.

“hey, you both look good.” he compliments the two of them.

“thanks-” 

“i know-”

“yeah i knew the both of you would say that.” he chuckles, the two other following too. jungmo looks around as if he’s looking for someone. his head turned from left to right, the blinding spotlight making his eyes narrow for a split second it met them. 

“serim? i haven’t seen him ever since.” woobin answers on his behalf, before proceeding in chugging down his drink.

“you haven’t made up yet?” jungmo sighs as he shakes his head.

“wait, you both fought?” wonjin asks in confusion, finally grasping the chance to do so.

“not really fought. we just had a misunderstanding, you know?”

“yeah, i knew you had a small crush on him.” he answers with a chuckle, woobin glaring at jungmo on impulse.

“you said it to him?”

“no, he didn’t say anything. you’re too easy to read, woobin. it isn’t a surprise to me that you confirmed it just now.” wonjin answers as he looks back at jungmo in assurance.

“told you everyone knows except him.” jungmo smugly continues, crossing his arms in the process.

“oh, speak of the devil.” wonjin trails of, the other two looking at the direction of his sight. there serim stood, walking afterwards along their path as he looked at woobin with worried eyes. the latter stands still, too stiff to be exact as he avoids eye contact with him.

“hey woobie, have you been avoiding me?”

“no, why would i?” he responds too quickly with his monotone voice.

as if everything was planned, a slow song suddenly plays. cheering was heard from the crowd when couples started to go on the dancefloor, dancing with the melody, getting all of the four of their attentions. serim looks back at woobin as he sighs, mustering up the courage he has always have in him, though it had always gone away when he’s in front of woobin.

“do you want to dance?” he asks, bringing his hand in front of woobin, the latter clearly shocked by the sudden happenings. woobin would normally say no if it was any other guy, serim knows it himself. he doesn’t answer so it was serim’s cue to grab his hand instead, holding it tight for the first time.

“h-hey what are you doing?”

“going to the dance floor with you. let’s go?” serim answers with a grin as he pulls woobin to his side, not letting him answer anymore. they both fade into the crowd, leaving the other two behind.

jungmo looked at his side where wonjin was, looking at the crowd dancing with the rhythm of the mellow music. he liked how his eyes were twinkling, even shining because of his makeup. it’s just one of the many things he likes about wonjin. 

he smiles as he grabs his hand, making wonjin look back at him.

_ he had always found wonjin’s shocked expression adorable. _

“do you wanna dance too?” he asks boldly. wonjin looked at him, eyes watery which jungmo could see even with the minimal light the venue had to offer. 

wonjin smiles in glee, “sure.”

“you’ll take the lead, alright? you’re the dancer among us afterall.” jungmo says as he stands up, assisting wonjin to stand up too.

“of course, silly.” 

  
  
  


on wonjin’s lead, both were stepping into the music in no time. dancing was not a thing for jungmo but he sure does trust his partner to guide him through the whole thing. they circled each other, gazes locked. both of their hands were on each other’s waists and soon, their free hands touched, intertwining moments after. together, they danced their feet in perfect match to the music and to the both of their beating hearts.

wonjin guides him in every move they do, his eyes still on jungmo’s yet he’s still sure where to sway their bodies at. every angle, every moment was like it was planned. everything did not feel forceful, it’s as if it’s already encrypted in them. 

and jungmo swears he’s literally floating even just with the smaller’s touch.

that was the exact moment they decided to let everything go. let all their worries, pain, burdens, sorrows and inner nightmares go. right then and there, they both knew they were living. as if nothing else mattered to them. they became one with the song, some movements were sloppy yet everything seems to fit so perfectly. every piece of the puzzle seems to have fallen into their respective places.

the  _ slow-mo _ you experience when you see the one you love is not true like how the dramas have been portraying. jungmo believes in _ fast-forward _ instead, because he could see a future with him. with wonjin although nothing is fixed yet. 

their eyes did not leave each other’s stare. jungmo likes how wonjin’s face was painted with the spotlight, making his beautiful features pop up more than it had been and he couldn’t get enough of his eyes,  _ his very pretty eyes.  _

those pretty eyes soon became wet and tears started to fall from them. jungmo stops, making the smaller do the same. wonjin lets go of jungmo’s waist as he uses that hand to wipe his tears, forcefully smiling afterwards.

“hey, are you okay?”

“yeah, i am.” it’s a lie, they both know it. jungmo concerningly places the palm of his hand against wonjin’s wet cheeks.

“look at me, wonj. why are you crying?” he asks with his soft voice full of worry, the subject not looking back at him in shame. he cries harder, sniffling, his muffled sobs echoing in jungmo’s ears.

“hey, i’m sorry. whatever it is, i’m sorry, hmm?” he says, apologizing, grabbing wonjin’s hands afterwards as he pulls him lightly outside of the hall as they go through the hallways and finally into one of the classrooms. he closes the door shut as he guides wonjin to sit down on the table, waiting for him to calm down.

the saying is really true,  _ the more you love someone, the more you want to hide.  _

because all you want them to see is the best version of yourself, keeping your lowest buried in you.

wonjin finally looks back at him, meeting his eyes who have been always looking at him since the beginning. even before the beginning. or even more before it.

“are you okay now?” jungmo asks as he holds wonjin’s hands into his. 

“i’m sorry, jungmo. i’m sorry you had to go through something i should be the only one experiencing.” the smaller says, eyes still letting go of tears it had in store.

“no no no. don’t say that. i love every moment i’ve had with you. my… my every moment is you.” wonjin looked at him with his confused eyes but jungmo’s eyes were much more determined. 

wonjin knew what the other was about to say.

“no, please don’t say it-”

“i like you.” there. he finally said it. he finally said those three words he had been meaning to say.

_ if not now, then when? _

surprisingly, wonjin doesn’t break eye contact with him. they both didn’t even realize their close proximity. both weren't mindful of anything but them, in the moment.

he continues, “i like you, wonjin. i like you a lot. you made me feel things i have never felt before. you made me do things i never knew i was capable of. if god asked me to count all of the stars just for you, i would. if it’s with you and for you, i would.” 

they both stare at each other as if their eyes were the ones talking on their behalf. wonjin feels the hold on his hands become tighter.

“jungmo.." he whispers, eyes glistening because of the faint light the moon outside had to offer. 

_ "you do know there will be a time that you’ll count those stars without me, right?” _

jungmo’s eyes finally let go of the tears he’s been keeping in him. he sobs as he looks down, forcefully muffling it in. he looks back at wonjin whose eyes are mirroring his red and wet ones.

“that’s why i’m gonna do my best in our allotted time together. until the end of our eclipse, until our stars will align again, until i’ll be the only star left shining, i will love you with my whole heart.”

as if time stopped, their lips met. jungmo was the one to completely close their distance. he even places his hand on the back of wonjin’s neck, pulling him closer, feeling him deeper. their mouths were moving with the faint sound they could hear from the hall. jungmo then moves to corner of his lips, soon planting small and wet kisses on his jawline and down to his neck. he bring his lips back onto wonjin’s plumped ones, kissing it deep, and deeper, and even deeper, giving his lower lip a soft bite, just enough for the both of them to have their hearts stop in a half beat.

both shared the moment full of love. they both had hid well. hid well from everyone because they were afraid of them but more than that, they were afraid of themselves.

but when they both found each other, they got themselves fixed.

it’s safe to say they are a match specially made in heaven. 

and even without wonjin’s response to jungmo’s confession, both knew their feelings were mutual.

_ do all lost stars eventually light up the dark in the end? _

  
  
  
  


fairytales would end like that. just after the blissful kiss of the prince to the princess, the story ends there. or just how they call it,  _ ‘Happily Ever After.’  _ as if each and every problem, twist and turn the main characters have experienced beforehand has been put into a permanent halt, all of those which have gone away with the wind as they have finally reached the final chapter of the story, where everyone is happy, and even after.

but in reality, it doesn’t work that way.

what happens after that  _ Happily Ever After _ ? what happens even after that? 

just like the two of them who hopelessly found each other, fixed each other and have been there when life was too much to handle by themselves.

what happens after their kiss?

_ what will happen to their Happily Ever After? _

months would pass with wonjin’s condition worsening, with little to no luck of being cured. that’s what’s difficult.

not everyone who deserves a happy ending, actually gets a happy ending.

still, jungmo stayed. jungmo was there by his side, always giving him the comfort he knows he needs. he was always there to eat lunch with him and even sit on the hospital bed, reenacting what they usually do on the usual spot during that specific time. he has always been there, and will always be.

he has always been looking.

just like now except everyone else is here. from wonjin’s parents and close relatives to his classmates and even to people jungmo has never seen before. everyone was there and it’s because it’s already clear to everyone that wonjin’s time is nearly ending.

there he is, lying on the hospital bed, his whole body was pale, almost as white as the sheets and the clothes he is wearing. he couldn't even talk, his eyes are barely opening, his mouth covered by the only life support he is holding dearly onto, his lips which is too chapped to the point that it had started bleeding.

yet he was still looking at jungmo by his side, ears perked up at what his lover was about to say and do. 

  
  


~

_ “hey jungmo.” _

_ “hmm?” he answers with delight, so sweet and so soft as he looks intently at wonjin’s brown orbs. _

_ “you know if i’m gonna die-” _

_ “don’t say that.” he slightly raises, pleading with his desperate voice, as he’s unable to imagine or even think of the worst that could happen. _

_ wonjin smiles at him as he slowly grabs his hands, enveloping those in his touch. _

_ “sing that song to me. lost stars. i want that to be the last song i’ll hear.” _

_ jungmo just stares at him, unable to utter words. he feels the hold on his hands tighten. _

_ “promise me that, okay?” wonjin asks, eyes twinkling with the light above them. jungmo replies with a nod and a smile. _

_ “i promise.” _

~

  
  


“hey love.” he quietly whispers as he brings his palm to the lad’s cheek. he looks closely at every detail, his lips, his nose, even his ears and until his eyes, which are looking at him. jungmo fought every crying nerve back in him.

“do you remember my promise? i still remember it. do you still want me to do it? i bet you’ll only laugh at me after though.” he talks to him though everyone in the room including him knows that there was no point in doing it, especially when there is no answer to be heard in exchange.

he gives him a smile before he grabs his guitar by his side as wonjin’s eyes keep locked on his.

he clears his throat as he readies his fingers on the first chord.

“for the last time, i will serenade you, love. i hope you’ll remember this.”

  
  


_ “Please don't see _

_ Just a boy caught up in dreams and fantasies _

_ Please see me _

_ Reaching out for someone I can't see.” _

  
  


_ ~ _

_ “has anyone told you you’re nosy?”  _

_ “yep, heard that a lot.” _

_ “and you’re still…?” _

_ “using it as my strength. now stop changing the topic. i have a mission.” _

_ “and that is?” _

_ “to bring you back on stage, koo jungmo.” _

_ ~ _

he smiles in the middle of strumming as he reminisces their first talks. it all made sense how wonjin was too eager in making him go back on stage. he knows, he knows the best how it feels to have your dream to be forsaken. afterall, they are on the same boat, in the same galaxy. just lost stars trying to find their way out.

  
  


_ “Take my hand, let's see where we wake up tomorrow _

_ Best laid plans sometimes are just a one night stand _

_ I'll be damned, Cupid's demanding back his arrow _

_ So let's get drunk on our tears” _

  
  


he looks at wonjin’s eyes back again and he sees the lad’s left eye, releasing a tear of his own. jungmo couldn’t help but to be choked up too, especially when wonjin just confirmed it. he can hear them  — that he is listening.

  
  


_ “And God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young _

_ It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run _

_ Searching for meaning…” _

  
  


he’s looking, he keeps on looking. his hands were starting to break loose from the instrument, his strumming almost becoming sloppy just before the end of the song.

  
  


_ “But are we all lost stars…” _ he sings. he pleads. he prays to god that a miracle would happen even though the ending is already clear to everyone.

  
  


his voice starts to shake,  _ god,  _ he’s trying to contain it in him with the thought of wonjin might’ve been teasing him already if he is still able to. he swallows every little driving force that is making him break down right then and there.

who’s going to tease him everytime? 

who’s going to push him to his highest limit? 

who’s going to eat lunch with him? 

who’s going to sit on the other side of the bench?

who's going to tell him everything will be okay?

who's going to smile at him with those same exact twinkling eyes?

who’s gonna be there instead?

if his  _ love,  _ will finally rest into a permanent state, just in front of his eyes?

  
  


_ “trying to light up the dark?” _

  
  


he finishes the song, letting the instrument go immediately on the ground as he places a quick kiss on wonjin’s forehead. they locked eyes and they both were desperate of keeping those locked until they can. tears started to fall on wonjin’s fragile skin.

and just right there, he smiles weakly, every so endearingly to jungmo’s pleading eyes as he huffs his last breath, closing his eyes to the steady beep of the machine beside him.

everything happened too fast. 

everything happened too quickly.

but what can they do?

  
  


that’s life. you can’t get anything for free. the funny thing you feel inside of you whenever you feel too happy, thinking that something bad will happen afterwards, it’s real. that is real. you can’t get good things in reality for free, something really has to happen for you to totally understand that not everything is like the fairytales.

what matters is the time you spent with them when they were still there by your side, breathing and smiling so dearly to you. 

because you’ll never know their worth until they’re gone.

and jungmo surely did it as he sat on his respective side on the bench one afternoon, looking at his side where the smaller lad usually sits. from the back of his mind, he still remembers the sweet smile that made him feel funny inside.

the same smile that he’ll keep in him, forever.

until they eclipse, until their stars align again, until his loneliness as a lost star will soon fade away.

_ until Happily Ever After. _

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hey you reached the end! 
> 
> idk if anyone will read this but i just want to say thank you for giving this a read! it really means so much to me :D also, i really treasure this work so much altough i'm not satisfied with the way i wrote it. to be honest, i have this close to my heart because some of this is actually from my personal experience and additions of ideas from what i had in mind during the process of writing. 
> 
> kudos, comments and any sort of feedback is really highly appreciated! even just a simple click and read on this work is something i genuinely am thankful of.
> 
> if you're still reading up until here, thank you so much! and i hope you like this work (somehow) ><
> 
> find me on twt @starshipz !!


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